Month: November 2013
Most of the focus of my current work and present trains of thought revolve around ego.
I am very conscious of the separation between true self and the ego and making sure I am aware when it arises. It is very difficult to separate yourself from the ego as it is engrained into our psyche as human beings and we have been conditioned to embrace our sense of self rather than separate from it.
I have developed a very volatile relationship with my ego recently. I have come to recognise it’s negative traits and don’t want to be associated with that part of myself. I tirelessly try to ignore the “poor me’s”, “what about me’s?”and the the incessant need for approval and recognition.
It makes me wonder if I have been displaying these negative traits for most of my life, and why I have anyone that cares about me at all if I have been this self absorbed for so long. Then again I am not alone with this infliction, all humans suffer from the ego. I would therefore only assume that they have been too caught up in their own ego battles to notice mine.
I am pleased however that I have been able to attain a certain degree of separation from my ego and most of the time can bring it into my consciousness. I’m wondering what the next stage is now? Do I carry on the battle as if burdened with a split personality disorder in the hope that eventually my life will become less and less interrupted by these egoic episodes, and therefore be able more in tune with my true self? I am hoping that practise makes perfect. And it is a rather pleasing goal to entertain; to be rid of your ego, or at least to make friends with it and only hang out with it occasionally by choice.
You will always have selfish desires even in loving relationships; this is part of human nature. But when this is of pre-eminence then the relationship is turned into a power struggle and the original purity of the relationship is lost. The emphasis of love should be based on the other person.
Ego aside, the bounds of true love are endless. Sometimes difficult to describe with earthly limitations such as verbal and written communication, I think I can only touch the surface and provide an essence of what it is to love based my own personal experience and inquisitions into human nature as a whole.
To love someone is to want them to never feel pain, to feel and be the best they can be. To have an overwhelming desire to keep them safe and make sure they know how cherished they are, to look at them and feel deep adoration and feel complete in their company.
Love is an attachment, and with attachment comes fear. To love someone is to know a fear of losing them either emotionally or physically. There is also the fear of your actions bringing suffering to them. You have a responsibility in a loving relationship of being conscious of your actions and reactions and how these may make the other feel. You want them to feel wanted and adored and have trust in your commitment to them.
To love someone is to know that you have a gift you should cherish, a best friend, a mentor and a muse. Someone to share intimate moments, moments of sadness and joy and someone who you can grow with mutually and enrich each other’s lives.
I feel that that I haven’t done the subject justice, but some things just go beyond words. I’ll finish with a couple of lyric extracts from people who have made an admirable job of creating some heartfelt lyrics:
“I don’t wanna miss one smile, I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment for all the rest of time”
To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can’t explain. So would I be out of line if I said “I miss you”?
Welcome to Confessions In Art. I suppose the best place to start would be the reason behind this blog.
I have been blogging for a few years now; this is my second blog. I have been using blogging as a creative tool to publicise my achievements in art. To some degree I would like to use this blog to carry this on, but thought a new blog was necessary due to the direction my artwork seems to be taking. I have recently been exploring the bounds and possibilities of confessional art after the realisation of the cathartic nature of my work. I have been working on an art journal over the summer and would like to take this further by documenting the exploration of the depths of my subconscious.
Therefore, this blog is also a piece of artwork within itself; an online art journal. And naturally, it will be self-medicated therapy and a virtual public confession of the workings of my psyche. Enjoy!