Month: February 2016
Usually when I blog I have troubles or unanswered questions. Externalising these is surprisingly cathartic. So, here we go….
With recent high spirits, my now stagnant mood has surprised me somewhat, which has naturally turned me into a sleuth, seeking clues as to the origins of this terrible affliction. I always from the outset look at my glorious vessel in relation to what it has consumed (diet, alcohol) and what it has or hasn’t been doing (exercise, mindfulness practise, rest and relaxation) If nothing seems too out of sorts here then I turn to the psychological and in drastic times even the metaphysical. I think I will leave the questioning of my existence to another day today though and stick to the psychological.
Interestingly, even giving myself the time to listen to myself has a positive effect. The blogger is her own therapist, and the audience a sympathetic ear.
So here’s what I think therapist Vicki would say to me today: “Life is full of ups and downs, peaks and troughs and even when life is good you cannot plateau at a naturally high state. After an extended time of feeling good it is natural for your mood to dip. You may experience lethargy, melancholy and restlessness. It’s common during these times to look forward to good things to come, but try to not spend too much time in the future. Even though this present moment is difficult it can teach you a valuable lesson. You will be more likely to return to high spirits quicker if you accept your mood for what it is and embrace it where possible. Low moods provide a contrast from which high spirits can be measure against. Be thankful for your low moods because they make those good moods great.”
See, I’m feeling better already!
It’s been a while since I pondered Jungian theory, or indeed anything psychoanalytical. The need to dissect my psyche has diminished somewhat with the birth of more settled times. However, today I have found myself pondering carelessly over my self-development, particularly the changes within me that have come about with age, or god forbid even wisdom. I was reminded of the revelation I had when I discovered the Jungian theory of the archetype, in particular the shadow, which supposedly hides within the depths of us all. I could finally name that dark energy that I have carried with me since I left the innocence of childhood; the rebel and the risk taker that was intent on following the path to self-destruction; with no stop button might I add.
I have a lot to thank for my shadow though. It is a part of me after all. In all its chaotic splendour it has made me take the kind of risks that has made me the person I am today; all the mistakes and all the journeys. The shadow is most evident in teenage rebellion and the choices I made during those times have shaped my friend groups, my passions and my callings. It has fuelled my transgressive artwork, surfaced the fears that I have to face and has damn well partied hard with me too!
Today’s revelation however is a freeing one. I have realised how detached I am from my shadow, that dark side of my psyche. Yes I do still have fleeting moments of the want for rebellion, whether it’s to get another piercing, make an anarchic statement about the state of society or drink my own bodyweight in rum. But that’s all those moments are; fleeting.
My shadow will always be with me, its need for individuality is intrinsically engrained. But I’m finding it so much easier to listen to what it says and make calculated decisions whether to listen.