Most people have a bucket list of some description, consciously or not. The only definitive thing I had on mine was to go to the Eden Project. Adventurous I know! I think I felt it would satisfy some of my need to give meaning to my life by seeing more of the material world than just my own back garden. This is in the hope that when my current vessel gives up, I can find peace in the fact that I have made some use of my mortal time, therefore making death a little easier.
My reasoning behind this lonely entry on my rather short bucket list was that the Eden Project basically takes some of the worldly elements from beyond my back garden and puts them in one convenient place, not too far away from my current location without much expense, planning or commitment needed.
So I eventually made it to the Eden Project and imagine my surprise when the whole experience was a disappointment. It seems that if you really want to find wonder and meaning in the world, you have to go out and look for it, not expect it to be brought to you.
Despite my disappointment, I did take a few pictures of the experience and got to dip my toes back into the world of photography and digital editing. A catalyst for more creative digital exploits I hope, and definitely a lesson learned when it comes to matters of self-betterment.
It’s been a while since I pondered Jungian theory, or indeed anything psychoanalytical. The need to dissect my psyche has diminished somewhat with the birth of more settled times. However, today I have found myself pondering carelessly over my self-development, particularly the changes within me that have come about with age, or god forbid even wisdom. I was reminded of the revelation I had when I discovered the Jungian theory of the archetype, in particular the shadow, which supposedly hides within the depths of us all. I could finally name that dark energy that I have carried with me since I left the innocence of childhood; the rebel and the risk taker that was intent on following the path to self-destruction; with no stop button might I add.
I have a lot to thank for my shadow though. It is a part of me after all. In all its chaotic splendour it has made me take the kind of risks that has made me the person I am today; all the mistakes and all the journeys. The shadow is most evident in teenage rebellion and the choices I made during those times have shaped my friend groups, my passions and my callings. It has fuelled my transgressive artwork, surfaced the fears that I have to face and has damn well partied hard with me too!
Today’s revelation however is a freeing one. I have realised how detached I am from my shadow, that dark side of my psyche. Yes I do still have fleeting moments of the want for rebellion, whether it’s to get another piercing, make an anarchic statement about the state of society or drink my own bodyweight in rum. But that’s all those moments are; fleeting.
My shadow will always be with me, its need for individuality is intrinsically engrained. But I’m finding it so much easier to listen to what it says and make calculated decisions whether to listen.
So, here it is – The project I have been working on and almost looking forward to playing in a public installation
I feel today I need to talk you about some really deep issues. I feel like I need to touch the depths of your souls and open up mine. Will you be my therapist?
I have been meandering along the path of disillusionment for some time now, under the misguided belief that I have something to offer mankind. And although I knew at the back of my mind that my calling wouldn’t just come to me without any effort on my part, I was a nice idealism and a complete time waster at that.
I have proved to myself I am strong, I can do whatever I set out to do and I haven’t given myself enough credit for the large obstacles I have overcome. This is a lesson learned; this is the proof I need to achieve anything I want. So this is the plan; I have so many opportunities to develop myself, and I am going to grasp those opportunities in both hands. Because once I am in a situation where I have the contacts and resources to help, maybe I can make that difference. I won’t bore you with a schedule of events, I have strong mental notes and this part would be uninteresting to you. The results; those are the interesting bits to come.
It’s a wonderful thing to discover that you are no longer overwhelmed by your ego. For once I want to succeed for the greater good (maybe with the occasional ego stroking, just to remind myself I am still human)
I have spent a long time focusing on fear. It has been very productive and taught me a lot about myself. One of the big revelations that have come from the learning curve however, is that I no longer live in fear. Amen.
In the continuation of my analysis of the human side effect; fear, I have found myself questioning why I have subjected myself to the exploration of this subject considering the negative effect such studies can have on a person. Even in the happiest of place I have found myself drudging through my sub-conscious to squeeze out any previously undiscovered thoughts and feeling on fear. This has led me to a place where I find myself asking if there is any need for fear at all (other than the obvious; keeping us out of danger)
It is sometimes helpful to study subjects juxtaposed with their opposites. By doing this I was lead to a speedy conclusion to my queries whereby it dawned on me that without the darker emotions such as fear, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the brighter side of life. Without darkness there would be no light as there would be nothing to compare it to. So I would like to take the time to give thanks for the pain and suffering that us humans endure as they help to show us quite how wonderful life can be sometimes too.